Who am I?

How do you expect me to know who you are? I've never even met you. Geez, some people need way too much hand holding. I wonder if it's all worth it. Oh...wait a minute...I'm s'posed to tell you who I am...

Well, I don't want to, so there!

Okay, okay. The name is Leland. I'm getting old. I'm overweight. I'm going bald. Have never had good eyeballs. And I make bad smells under the sheets. (Bad according to my wife. I'm leaning towards lilacs myself.)

I think that just about covers it, but if you really want to know more then clickey clickey here.